Ask the Astrologers: Torn Between Two Lovers

Torn between two lovers — sound familiar? Astrologers are often called upon to shed light on the differences between relationship prospects, as each person’s unique relationship paradigm is spelled out clearly in the natal chart.

Synastry (comparing the planets in two different charts) can provide incredibly accurate details about a relationship’s strengths and weaknesses, and can reveal in-depth information about sexual compatibility, chemistry, communications styles, love and even karma.

Another practice, using midpoints to combine two natal charts into one (called a “composite” chart) will accurately describe the relationship itself rather than the individual parties.

Together these techniques can bring astonishing clarity to even the most complicated situation. In the example that follows, Melodie takes a look at a very difficult relationship dilemma involving a client’s interest in someone she’s attracted to — outside of her marriage:

Dear Melodie,

I’m married to one man but in love with another. He says he can’t promise anything, and will not even consider a relationship with me until I’m divorced. But I’m afraid to leave my marriage (where I’m unhappy but have financial security) for what feels like a long shot with the man I love. I hope you can help me to sort through this mess.

Thank you, Andrea

Hello Andrea:

I edited your letter for length, but I can assure you that I did take it all into consideration for the purposes of this response. I’ve looked at all three charts and can’t begin to stress how important it is for you to separate your connection with these two men when making your decision. There are pros and cons to each of them, and I honestly feel you’ll be doing a disservice to yourself (not to mention them) if you don’t step back and evaluate each of them individually.

I do feel that there have been challenges in your marriage for several months. Things appear to have come to a head at the end of January, when both you and your husband had a very intense “all-or-nothing” transit. I doubt that your husband is unaware of your feelings of discontent, and believe he’s experiencing his own. I can’t tell you which of these men is going to be better for you. What I can tell you is that your husband is more of a “sure thing,” based not only on his natal planetary placements but also on the current transits to his chart. He’s going to be more guarded, more withholding and more emotionally distant than your lover. But he’s also going to be more consistent and more willing to work through any kinks in the marriage.

Your husband’s Venus is in Capricorn, and is part of a very tight t-square configuration involving Pluto and Saturn. This is a man who will stay in a bad marriage because he made a commitment in the first place, and because he’s a man of his word. But he’s also going to be harder to reach emotionally and will be less apt to loosen up his very rigid and controlling ideas about what roles each of you are expected to play.

Your lover’s Venus is in Cancer and is also involved in a t-square. But in his case the other planets (Uranus and Chiron) are much more erratic and unpredictable. He’ll be more loving, more passionate, more intimate and more exciting and the connection to him looks overall far more compelling. But he speaks the truth when he tells you there are no guarantees — as his relationship paradigm is far more unstable and erratic than your husband’s. My impression in looking at his chart is that even if you were to take a gamble and end your marriage, he’d be (at least initially) reluctant to offer (and follow through with) the commitment that you desire.

It would be wise for you to look at how each of these men has fulfilled a specific deficit in your psyche. With your husband, it’s been the assurance of security and stability, at the expense of intimacy, passion and affection. And with your lover it’s been a more compelling inference of romance and excitement, without the promise of security.

My sense is that it’s going to take some time for you to process all of the potential outcomes as you prepare to make a decision. Your transits show you wavering back and forth over the next several months. You do finally come to an important crossroads at the end of the year (early December) and I suspect that until that time you’ll continue to weigh the pros and cons of each decision. No matter what you decide in the end it will be life-changing, and I wish you all the best.

As always we’ll be offering astrological insights into questions submitted by our readers. Although names will be changed and birth data omitted (in order to preserve confidentiality), each column will feature actual questions submitted by readers. Click here for more information about us.

If you would like either of us (or both) to take a stab at your questions, please email us, or submit them (along with the birth date, time and place of birth for each person) right in the comments section below. Remember, all comments are moderated, so we’ll be sure to edit out your birth data and any personal or identifying information before it’s publicly posted. If you have any concerns about this process feel free to message us here. Although we won’t be able to respond to every question, we’ll select those that best suit the current astrological themes and post our responses here.

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